Fred Wemyss

I haven't paid to see a movie featuring Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston in the last half-decade. I bet most of the world hasn't either. I think it's high time this haggard trio started paying US, PEOPLE and IN TOUCH for the all the PR they've been getting. They're certainly not generating the public's interest on their own. Each day, at the book store of my employ, I re-shelve, many times over, stacks of magazines showing the faces of Brad, Angelina and Jennifer. These magazines are left in corners, on windowsills and on every available surface in our cafe. The three faces appear, piled up next to a stack of self-help books, a spilled Grande Cappuccino and a forgotten Scrabble square. While Jennifer, Brad and Angelina may not make a penny from the magazines which exist because of them, each one of them is getting the attention he or she signed on for when he or she first pretended to be casual in front of a camera. Since they've got America's undivided attention, they may as well pay US, PEOPLE and IN TOUCH, and if they don't, US, PEOPLE and IN TOUCH should sue them. After all, nobody actually buys In TOUCH, US or PEOPLE. They just sit in the cafes of monolithic book outlets, reading magazines about Brad, Angelina and Jennifer and then stacking them on the tables before waddling to the diet section. Somebody has to make money and since what Brad, Angelina and Jennifer have always needed is not money, but attention, US, PEOPLE and IN TOUCH should sue them until they're forced to work at monolithic book outlets, cleaning up after people who sit around for entire afternoons skimming through magazines about young has beens.