Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Your Suicide Note
For those who don't have time, I suggest checking out CLIFF'S SUICIDE NOTES for a thumbnail sketch that really nails this sketch of 'do's and 'dont's of suicide notes. Barnes and Noble has it by the exit.
So, if you've read this far, you're really pre-meditating this. No "I don't want to live" hastily scrawled on toilet paper for you. No final statement sent in bulk email which will be relegated to the majority of Trash bins unread. You want to send a formal suicide note Certified Mail!
I bet you wanted to send it Return Receipt Requested, too, but that shows that, like any other person who writes a high-quality suicide note, you haven't thought this out as completely as possible. It is enough to send your note through Certified Mail. Unless you're having the Return Receipt sent to a surviving party, requesting a Return Receipt is just an indication of residual sarcasm, unless you plan actually to live through your suicide attempt, in which case you need another manual. (But I don't think they've written THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO SUICIDE yet!)
THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE MANUAL! This is about writing the best suicide note you can. If you want to hang yourself, shoot yourself or cause your own death by a means nobody has ever used before, that's your project! Do not confuse your note with the suicide it highlights.
AND DON'T WORRY! Every artist, whether admitting it or not, wonders what the critics will say. You know and I know you can't change what people will say about your note. Some people might say "It was beautiful." Others might say "It was touching." Most people will say "Oh! I want to see the note!" They're your audience!
BUT, YOU'RE WRITING IT FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR THEM! Your suicide note should express your thoughts, not what you want others to think. Believe it or not, most suicide notes are written to impress the living. But your note won't be like most suicide notes. You're going to express yourself from the center of your being to your extremities. If you jones for proper grammar, this book will help prepare you to write a stylistically flawless farewell address. If rhapsody carries you, we'll help carry your final reveries in the space between pen and paper. If yours is a comic mood, we'll carve your deathnote into a one-liner.
YOUR SUICIDE NOTE is available to you if you pay first. Why no Trial Offer? BECAUSE WE TAKE YOU EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY!
Send $19.95 plus $3.99 shipping and I can't take it, I just can't GOODBYE
[Paypal is not responsible for unshipped product.]
TO UNSUBSCRIBE, just unsubscribe. UNSUBSCRIBE!
So, if you've read this far, you're really pre-meditating this. No "I don't want to live" hastily scrawled on toilet paper for you. No final statement sent in bulk email which will be relegated to the majority of Trash bins unread. You want to send a formal suicide note Certified Mail!
I bet you wanted to send it Return Receipt Requested, too, but that shows that, like any other person who writes a high-quality suicide note, you haven't thought this out as completely as possible. It is enough to send your note through Certified Mail. Unless you're having the Return Receipt sent to a surviving party, requesting a Return Receipt is just an indication of residual sarcasm, unless you plan actually to live through your suicide attempt, in which case you need another manual. (But I don't think they've written THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO SUICIDE yet!)
THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE MANUAL! This is about writing the best suicide note you can. If you want to hang yourself, shoot yourself or cause your own death by a means nobody has ever used before, that's your project! Do not confuse your note with the suicide it highlights.
AND DON'T WORRY! Every artist, whether admitting it or not, wonders what the critics will say. You know and I know you can't change what people will say about your note. Some people might say "It was beautiful." Others might say "It was touching." Most people will say "Oh! I want to see the note!" They're your audience!
BUT, YOU'RE WRITING IT FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR THEM! Your suicide note should express your thoughts, not what you want others to think. Believe it or not, most suicide notes are written to impress the living. But your note won't be like most suicide notes. You're going to express yourself from the center of your being to your extremities. If you jones for proper grammar, this book will help prepare you to write a stylistically flawless farewell address. If rhapsody carries you, we'll help carry your final reveries in the space between pen and paper. If yours is a comic mood, we'll carve your deathnote into a one-liner.
YOUR SUICIDE NOTE is available to you if you pay first. Why no Trial Offer? BECAUSE WE TAKE YOU EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY!
Send $19.95 plus $3.99 shipping and I can't take it, I just can't GOODBYE
[Paypal is not responsible for unshipped product.]
TO UNSUBSCRIBE, just unsubscribe. UNSUBSCRIBE!
# posted by Fredwemyss @ 3:43 PM 
