Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Kitchen Sink
Merriam-Webster, crazy gal that she is, says that "Variorum" is a noun meaning "an edition or text of a work containing notes by various persons or variant readings of the text."
This entry and the previous one form a variorum edition in progress of a story I'm writing. I have given my previous entry the title "Right, Then." The text of the present entry, which is called "Kitchen Sink," includes some of "Right, Then," but it departs from it and goes its own way. I hope Merriam approves.
"Kitchen Sink"
by
Frederick Wemyss
"Right, then, Fred, we're going to see Mister Klipper today."
"What's he?"
"A sharp gent, you might say, as is Mrs. Klipper."
Before Fred could react, his mother cut in. "I shouldn't think she's a gent."
Sissy said, "Are you taking him to get a haircut Daddy?"
"What if I don't want one?" said Fred.
"Well, that's where Mister and Mrs. Klipper come in. The Klippers is a sharp pair, they is."
Bryan came into the kitchen and ran his fingers through Fred's hair. "This is the kind o' hair gets you beat up at soccer matches."
"Sod soccer!" said Fred.
"Did you hear him, Mum?" said Sissy. "He does say 'sod'."
"Don't say 'sod'," said Mrs. Cogwheel.
"An' never say 'sod soccer'," said Bryan.
"Bryan!" said Sissy and Fred, Sissy because Bryan had used a terrible word and Fred because Brian dug his fingers harder into his scalp.
"That hurts," added Fred.
"You could use some shearing, too, my boy," said Mr. Cogwheel. "Come on then, both of you."
"Daddy," said Bryan mournfully.
"It looks like a rat's nest," said Mrs. Cogwheel.
"It's right short, it is!" said Bryan.
"Short compared to quite long," said Mr. Cogwheel.
"It ain't long."
"Long or short, it is a rat's nest," said Sissy.
"Shut up, Sissy!" Bryan said. He looked at his father. "You had long hair when you was a kid."
"I couldn't afford a haircut," said Mr. Cogwheel.
"Well, you think I can?" Bryan said.
"You can when I'm payin' for it. Come on, lads."
"Bugger all," said Bryan.
"Mummy, do you hear him?" said Sissy.
"He said 'Bugger', didn't he?" said Mrs. Cogwheel.
"Well, yeah, he said 'Bugger'!" Sissy said. She gasped, hearing herself, and covered her mouth.
"I'm asking the barber to cut all your tongues out," Mr. Cogwheel said.
This entry and the previous one form a variorum edition in progress of a story I'm writing. I have given my previous entry the title "Right, Then." The text of the present entry, which is called "Kitchen Sink," includes some of "Right, Then," but it departs from it and goes its own way. I hope Merriam approves.
"Kitchen Sink"
by
Frederick Wemyss
"Right, then, Fred, we're going to see Mister Klipper today."
"What's he?"
"A sharp gent, you might say, as is Mrs. Klipper."
Before Fred could react, his mother cut in. "I shouldn't think she's a gent."
Sissy said, "Are you taking him to get a haircut Daddy?"
"What if I don't want one?" said Fred.
"Well, that's where Mister and Mrs. Klipper come in. The Klippers is a sharp pair, they is."
Bryan came into the kitchen and ran his fingers through Fred's hair. "This is the kind o' hair gets you beat up at soccer matches."
"Sod soccer!" said Fred.
"Did you hear him, Mum?" said Sissy. "He does say 'sod'."
"Don't say 'sod'," said Mrs. Cogwheel.
"An' never say 'sod soccer'," said Bryan.
"Bryan!" said Sissy and Fred, Sissy because Bryan had used a terrible word and Fred because Brian dug his fingers harder into his scalp.
"That hurts," added Fred.
"You could use some shearing, too, my boy," said Mr. Cogwheel. "Come on then, both of you."
"Daddy," said Bryan mournfully.
"It looks like a rat's nest," said Mrs. Cogwheel.
"It's right short, it is!" said Bryan.
"Short compared to quite long," said Mr. Cogwheel.
"It ain't long."
"Long or short, it is a rat's nest," said Sissy.
"Shut up, Sissy!" Bryan said. He looked at his father. "You had long hair when you was a kid."
"I couldn't afford a haircut," said Mr. Cogwheel.
"Well, you think I can?" Bryan said.
"You can when I'm payin' for it. Come on, lads."
"Bugger all," said Bryan.
"Mummy, do you hear him?" said Sissy.
"He said 'Bugger', didn't he?" said Mrs. Cogwheel.
"Well, yeah, he said 'Bugger'!" Sissy said. She gasped, hearing herself, and covered her mouth.
"I'm asking the barber to cut all your tongues out," Mr. Cogwheel said.
# posted by Fredwemyss @ 7:13 PM 
