Fred Wemyss

"Edward G. Who?"
"Robinson. You've never heard of Edward G. Robinson?"
"I've heard of Edvard Munch."
"You've never heard this voice?" I pretended to hold a cigar and began to make a grimacing face. In Edward G. Robinson's tone, I said, "Mother of mercy...Is this the end -- of Rico?"
My dinner companion looked at me. "What's that?" said my dinner companion.
"An imitation of Edward G. Robinson! Here," I said. I pretended to hold a cigar again and pointed at my chest with the imaginary cigar. "I'm the boss here, see?"
"What do you mean you're the boss?"
"It's what Edward G. Robinson always says."
"Who is Edward G. Robinson?"
"A thirties movie star."
"Would I recognize him?"
"I don't know. Since his voice is one of the most recognizable voices in movie history and you didn't know his voice, you might not recognize his face, either."
"What if your imitation of him wasn't any good?"
"That wouldn't matter because the lines are so famous most people would know who was famous for saying them. For example, if I suddenly say 'You dirty rat' in my regular voice, you'll still know who said it first."
"Who was it?"
"Oh, come on!"
"I don't know who said it."
"James Cagney."
My friend stared.
"Anyway," I said, "I've invited you for a reason."
"You mean this isn't all pointless?"
"You, my friend, are going to say something to the waiter in the voice of Rico from LITTLE CAESAR!"
"What's he sound like?"
"Edward G."
My friend looked dismayed.
"I know," I said. "I know. You can't imitate Edward G. Robinson."
"That's not what I was going to say."
"But you see," I said. "You'll want to do this."
"I won't want to do it!"
"Not only will you want to do it," I said, "You'll love it!"
"Why?" said my friend. "How?"
"How?" I said. "Why?"
"Yeah!"
"For money."
"Money?"
"That which is, of all evil, the root."
"What?"

[To Be Continued...]